no sleep and purple streaks.

this is slightly embarrassing but i'm getting over it. this is my eye without any make up. get me to a hospital. i look sick from all the purple streaks around my eye. if you were to ask what is causing this discoloration i would answer without hesitation-tv. i feel like most days i can be fairly productive during the day and get (most) of my homework done, but nighttime-nighttime is my time and instead of doing what i should be doing (sleeping), i catch up on my tv shows for the week. this is not a healthy habit and that became especially apparent when i woke up the other night (morning?) at 6:32 am and my laptop was still open near my bed, playing episodes that i had fallen asleep to. this is a problem. i need to do something about it.

according to who?

the movie from class last week stirred up a lot of emotions for me. i left class having mixed feelings about what we had just watched. i agree that women are heavily portrayed as sex symbols and objects, but parts of the movie were somewhat disturbing. i am so glad that i have the gospel to guide me in the right direction and tell me who i am supposed to be and how i should treat myself. i'd be so lost if i had the media to depend on. according to them i should be unhealthily skinny, have flawless skin and perfect hair, wear expensive clothes but i'm also being told to be an independent/strong woman, a successful business woman, to not depend on and trust men, etc. neither sound like who i should be according to my heavenly father, yet both ideas are being shoved into my face from every angle. here are some thoughts i had about the movie...

-daphne zuniga was an advocate on this movie, yet in a tv show i watched (one tree hill-i watched somewhat faithfully...a little embarrassed to admit) she was mostly portrayed as the hoochy mom who was a successful business woman, divorced, and so worried about looking young, stylish, and having sex. i know she was just playing the role of "victoria" but you'd think if she felt strongly enough about the portrayal of women in the media that she wouldn't have taken that part. i found it slightly funny that probably many of the women (or at least the celebrities that were featured) had gotten plastic surgery, spent thousands on clothes and salon visits, and cared a lot about their appearance. i could be wrong, but that's my assumption. 

-the other women that were featured on the show appeared to be normal-no work done, showing who they really are-but the message i got from what they were saying was that unless i become the ceo of a company or run for president, i will not be considered successful. what about the women who want to be stay at home moms? they're implications of what determines a successful woman was degrading to those who don't feel the need to aspire to be the next president of the country. they went on and on about how brainwashed we have become to feel like we need to look a certain way but in a sense they're trying to brainwash us to think that we need to act a certain way. 

-it is so sad and wrong how women are portrayed in the media. this negatively affects us women but i loved that they pointed out that the media does not make it easy for men to respect women. we shouldn't just be worried about the media affecting women and their self esteem. the media is affecting us all-women, children, men-and that's something important to be aware of. 

edenbrooke.

i have turned into quite the hopeless romantic. i love a good chick flick or (clean) romance novel just as much as the girl next to me, but i think it has definitely become more apparent in the last year or so. my reasoning for this? i believe it is mainly because i am not yet a mrs. one of the greatest things about reading is getting lost in a story, escaping to a fictional world, and experiencing life in ways that might not be possible in the real world. right now i am not falling in love, but i certainly loved falling in love with edward through the character of marianne. there were ways in which i related to this character, but at the same time i would not consider my personality identical with hers. this turned into something i loved about this story. i almost felt like i was able to put myself in someone else’s shoes. i gained perspective of what the thought process might be for someone who is the same as marianne. i learned why feelings are sometimes buried and need more than a gentle nudge to be revealed. i connected to the character but at the same time i somewhat analyzed her and learned from it. needless to say i have already reread this particular novel and plan on doing so multiple times for multiple reasons. 

be present.

"in life, there are no ordinary moments. most of us never really recognize the most significant moments of our lives when they're happening." -kathleen magee

conference weekend equals the best weekend. there is seriously nothing like it. while talking with a friend he asked how i enjoyed my weekend and i said there are few things that i like more than general conference. he then asked me what those few things were. i honestly had a little bit of a struggle coming up with them. obviously time with family and certain friends is absolutely wonderful and maybe a couple of musical moments would be up there as well, but conference weekend as a whole just has it all. family. food. relaxation. and most important modern revelation/guidance from our heavenly father. prayers were answered, personal revelation was received, reminders were given and i was given a spiritual boost to keep on keepin' on. i enjoyed the common theme of true discipleship and how we can work towards that. i really try each day to live in a way to have the spirit as a constant companion. we can receive so much from him-comfort, guidance, strength, answers, promptings, etc. i felt the impression to really do better at keeping a journal (which i thought was interesting because no one really talked about that specifically this conference) i know myself and know that if i try to keep a regular journal it only lasts about a week because it becomes too big of a task. so i decided i'll begin the habit by keeping a gratitude journal. by actively looking for the tender mercies the Lord blesses me with, i will notice more blessings from Him and will become even more grateful. i will begin by expressing gratitude for our prophet thomas s. monson and the twelve apostles. alright, basically i am grateful for all the leaders of the church. i'm grateful for the opportunity i had to listen and learn from them last weekend. this weekend there were no ordinary moments. "most of us never really recognize the most significant moments of our lives when they're happening." if anyone didn't get a chance to watch or listen to conference i'd encourage you to visit lds.org and do just that. don't miss out on the significant moments that took place that can be life changing.

be free.

our class discussion on music really made me re-appreciate music and how powerful it is. so much of my testimony has been strengthened through music and the spirit can teach so much through it. countless times of joy have been accompanied by a song to describe that perfect moment. bitter tears have been shed while listening to a song that captures the feeling of sadness and despair.

this summer i had a new experience (new for me, i'm sure others have experienced this same feeling) with a song. i had recently gone through the worst break up i've experienced (yes i will admit that i was that girl--so distraught, confused, and incomplete after a breakup). it had been months and i was seriously fed up with feeling stuck and unable to move on with life. i took up running about a month after the said moment and really found that i was able to channel a lot of my anger, confusion, and frustration into running. it felt good and gave me something to do. i only ran to the same playlist which was gavin degraw's album "sweeter". gavin's music has influenced my life in many ways over the course of the last nine years. needless to say he's one of my favorites. i (kinda) switched it up one day and put all of gavin's albums on shuffle when i went running. at the very end of my run a new song that i had never paid attention to came on. it was called free and it seemed to capture every emotion i was feeling at that moment. i was exhausted (physically because of my run, and also emotionally because of current life circumstances) and as i finished my run i laid on the grass, looked up into the sunshine, and felt an overwhelming feeling of hope, strength, and determination to be who i wanted to be and work towards becoming the person i knew i could be. it sounds silly but i treat this musical moment as one of the most spiritual moments i've experienced in my life so far. tears streamed down my sweaty cheek and i felt god's love for me and my testimony was once again strengthened that he had a plan for me and i had the ability to accomplish it. it was a life changing experience.

in class dr. coyne asked us to think of a song that describes us right now. this one was a no brainer for me, simply because i am still receiving strength from this particular song. i loved having the time to reflect again on how it has influenced my life. not only did it give me strength during a break up, but now i can listen to it and think of myself becoming more well-rounded, keeping the commandments and becoming a better disciple of Christ in order to be free from worldly troubles, and i can commit to give my Heavenly Father everything i have--to truly make His will become mine. i'm not sure gavin degraw knew that his song would have such a profound effect on me and my commitment to god. how grateful i am that he wrote this beautiful song and shared it for everyone to enjoy.

i am so grateful for music and the power it has to bless lives, give strength when it's hard to find, invite the spirit, and so much more.

*excuse the loud crowd and weird videography from this video. here is a recording of it as well but there's something about live performances that i just love.*